Monday, May 5, 2008

In Which Karma Bites Me in the Ass. A-S-S. Ass.

So, a little over a week ago I blogged a lot of big words about how spelling bees don't scare me. Frankly, I was a little obnoxious about it. There was bragging. Even gloating. I issued a public challenge.

And then what happened that very same day? I tootled off to my volunteer work at the Jacksonville Public Library and learned that the library was looking for participants for the first annual Jacksonville Public Library Spelling Bee. And I thought to myself, Rats. Now not only do I have to compete in this spelling bee (on account of publicly announcing that spelling bees don't scare me, which I now realize was a lie), but I have to WIN this spelling bee (on account of the gloating). And I'm NOT going to win this spelling bee. There are a million words I don't know how to spell, like staphylococcus and Rumpelstiltskin, and karma is going to throw one of those words at me because I bragged. There was hubris, and now karma is arranging for my tragic fall.

What followed was a week of grim preparation to meet my doom. Frankly, the other competitors in my household weren't in much better shape:

Cordelia: Oh, I feel ill. Why did I agree to this? What if they ask me to spell epchelon?
Me: That's not a word.
Joe: If they ask me to spell taco cat, I'm going to say, 'Would you like me to spell that forwards or backwards?'
Cordelia: What if they ask me to spell farmiphrenoxmdqrstuvwxyz?
Joe: We need to practice our reactions for when we get knocked out. What if I jump in the air and act surprised and then throw my hat on the ground and stamp on it?

Anyway. This past Saturday, the sun finally dawned on the Jacksonville Public Library Spelling Bee. I knew what karma had in store for me: I was going to arrive at the bee only to discover that the competitors were me, Joe, Cordelia, and seven autistic savants. I was going to lose, and then eat humble pie for days.

But: I spelled nuisance. I spelled whippoorwill. I spelled numismatist, xanthic, and vituperative. I spelled lachrymose. I won the spelling bee! The prize was fifty bucks! I BIT KARMA'S ASS!

And then I came home and tried to turn on my computer and it wouldn't turn on. No power, no juice: kaput. (From the German: K-A-P-U-T.)

I spent my spelling bee winnings on a new power supply for my computer. It's coming sometime this week and I have to figure out how to install it and if it turns out that that's not what's wrong then I need to buy a new computer fast because have I mentioned that my job is writing? I need my computer. I NEED MY COMPUTER. WHY DID KARMA HAVE TO TAKE MY COMPUTER?! WHY COULDN'T I HAVE JUST DROPPED TOOTHPASTE ON MY SHIRT OR EATEN A BAD MUSSEL OR, I DON'T KNOW, HERE'S AN IDEA, LOST THE STUPID SPELLING BEE??!!

5 comments:

MTP said...

Congrats on winning the bee!

That's terrible news about your computer though. We hope it will be ok. Jess' got sick last year and it was very sad. We'll keep our fingers crossed to help appease the karma gods!

jodelia said...

Winning the spelling bee was one thing; winning the spelling be by out-spelling the judges was even better. Thankfully they figured out that Lacrymous is actually spelled Lachrymose.

Amanda said...

you rock!
incidentally, i have started spelling out a-s-s when speaking of my lovely child's demeanor in front of him. he then spells it right back to me, because he enjoys repeating things. i'm not sure it's any better to have a 2-year-old spell swears rather than say them!

Sandra, your tropical tour guide said...

Yay on spelling bee and boooooo on computer.

Anytime you want to go the Apple store, I'm there!

Marcy said...

Lol! Karma, of all people, should be able to manage poetic justice, not totally inappropriate way more annoying justice.